“How do I get my family and friends to board the train? We have barely succeeded. Some friends were excited at first but lost interest over time. Others weren’t interested at all and thought it was deprivation. Some friends even lost contact with us because they thought we were no longer relevant.”
After retiring early and quitting, I heard about at least 3 different couples/family experiences. It is understandable when you discover this magical formula to the free life you want to bring as many people as possible. After all, if you don’t find someone with like-mindedness who hangs out with a work social circle, fire can be lonely.
The world has been spending time with friends, doing whatever you want, instead of just once a month on weekends, because you have to go back to work, isn’t that great?
The problem is, I tried this exact thing. The number of friends and family I want to retire early is…wait…
Zilch. Nada. zero.
Ironically, given that a complete stranger wrote an article and told me that they had completely changed their lives after reading our book, from homelessness to $100,000 in a year, and then hit a net worth of $850,000 4 years later! However, a friend who has been over 10 years or more, a friend’s friend has not changed their lifestyle.
It’s a cruel fact: you will lose friends after the fire.
This is because friendships don’t build when you work and have limited time World Health Organization Who are you. They are built on Where Who are you.
You are a Cube Soldier, connecting with company bullshit through common pressure, deadlines and company bullshit. But when you stop chasing these things people think you should pursue (currency, material, promotion), you won’t have much in common anymore.
Suddenly, you are no longer relevant. You still feel the same way, but to them, you are a completely different person right now.
Why?
Because your presence now forces people to face their shit. When you say “I don’t need a job anymore”, they hear “I’m no longer interested in the life of life.”
You won’t even speak the same language again because when you’re talking about “slow mornings”, “freedom” and hippie sounds like “self-realization”, they emphasize work politics, parenting logistics and traffic jams.
Even if you have the best intentions to help them do the same thing, it doesn’t matter. Whether you are eager or supportive of their shooting journey, you will still annoy people because of your presence. They will see you as “lost contact” and “weird.”
What I learned from over a decade of retirement and inadvertent loss of friends is that it has to do with them, not you.
You’ve been struggling and in tides with friends before retirement. But now you are gone, do the victory circle, they are still trapped and try to dig out.
They may not be upset with your success, but they do feel upset with what your success says. You have lived their “if” scene and walked the path they didn’t choose.
Only those who are safe in their financial situation and life choices will be happy for you. This is an exception, not a rule. Most people don’t have the time and bandwidth to solve their insecurity. It’s been a lot of years for me and it’s very uncomfortable. The first step is to realize that you are insecure in the first place and that successful addiction is not good, which is impossible because society’s attitude towards beautifying it and social media amplifies it.
They may not even know that they are jealous of your lifestyle and seem very supportive and board the train on the ground, but the inside secretly resents or simply does not believe that they can achieve the fire for them.
This is not to say that you should give up on a fire, because you will die without friends and lonely. It’s just that you have to find a new circle of friends that fit your new values and have unlimited free time.
First take some time to mourn those lost friendships. They are real and important, even if you like this new life, you lose them.
The next step is to find new friends.
I want to be honest. This is not easy. Making friends as an adult is already harder than when you were a kid, but even harder when you can’t feel compassion for your work. But this is not impossible. You can:
Join the Select FI group and attend local gatherings. Start your own party on the line. Go to a fire meeting like Econome. Find other neighbors that are not fire but have similar values, such as digital nomads and world schools.
It will be strange and awkward at first. It also requires many repetitive parties before you go from acquaintances to friends. You have to maintain this friendship to help it grow.
Here are some tips I found when meeting new people:
Focus on activities, not just “hang out”
It’s easy to have a cup of coffee when you already know this person and have a lot to talk about. But when meeting strangers, choose something to do together. Join the running club. Take a cooking class. When you learn something, you may find that many like-minded people also want to learn that thing.
Listen more than you
Many people try to impress others by talking a lot. on the contrary. Ask questions, be curious about another person, and practice listening to their answers and connecting with them. It has nothing to do with you, it has nothing to do with them.
Give gifts and favors
One of the easiest ways to make friends is to give gifts or dedication to others. Humans are usually reciprocal people, and when others are friendly to that point, they will hope to come back.
consult
People love to advise others and feel smart. Make them feel smart (even if you don’t need it). This breaks the ice immediately and helps you get to know them better while making the other person feel good about themselves.
Obviously, these tips are not available to everyone you encounter. There will be a lot of people who won’t be lifelong friends, but you have to go there and try it. You may fail the first time, but keep trying. Making new friends requires hard work, but it is worth it. Now our closest friends are the people we meet after retirement and they have more in common with us than the friends we lost.
What do you think? Have you tried to get any family or friends on the boat on the train? How did it go? Do you have any advice to make new friends after retirement?
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