An article from the Atlantic Ocean recently caught my attention, titled “’Successful Addicts’ Choosing Special Feelings of Happiness”. As a recovery “successful addict” who quit his competitive engineering job that retired 10 years ago, this article resonated deeply with me.
What I realize on fire is that it doesn’t solve all your problems. You (or your family) will still experience health problems. You may feel stressed. After losing your work social circle, you still have to find a new community. You still feel anxious from time to time.
The difference is that the fire allows you to buy back time so you can handle all of these things. As with all addictions, the first step is to admit that you have a problem. In this case, successful addiction is not a social problem. Instead, it is celebrated and glorious. Especially now, anyone can use social media to curate their perfect lives and broadcast their success. This is a vicious cycle.
After a successful detox multiple times, first having an identity crisis after resigning, then trying to climb a brand new fire celebrity identity (at some point, selected as a fire TV series), just letting all the pandemic be destroyed and then replaced by us by a family emergency, which left us in jail for 3 years at Caregiving and I have been unable to have a successful success since.
According to the Atlantic article:
“You don’t find real happiness on a career hedonistic treadmill. You find it in very ordinary things: walk or talk with loved ones, rather than working for that extra hour,”
“For many people, it’s extremely difficult. It almost feels like a failure to those who have been worshipping hard work and striving to outperform others throughout their lives. Social comparison is an important part of how people measure secular success, but this study clearly deprives us of our life satisfaction.”
I won’t lie, the most memorable moment of my life was the “success” related moments – in line with the book deal, flying to Los Angeles to shoot hiss for our TV show, on the front page of The Guardian. But they are short-lived and pale compared to the lasting effects and meanings of simple things in my life: spending time with my “cycling or dead” friends, writing stories with my husband and raising my son. None of these are regarded as “success” by society, but I will not trade with any fame, wealth or status.
This is not what I would say 5 years ago. My addiction to success prompted me to say “yes” to every opportunity, and as a result, I became as anxious as I was at work. I just replaced one ladder with another. I also feel jealous and fomo watch other bloggers to get more ratings, membership deals and income (by the way, we don’t need it). In fact, going to Fincon is definitely my confidence, because all this conference does is remind me of everything I “should” do, like starting a podcast or selling online courses.
In a sense, the pandemic, while horrible, is a good reset. It forced me to delete everything from my busy schedule and kick my successful addiction.
Do nothing, simply exist, knowing that you have enough people and being happy is changeable.
Now, I keep saying no to opportunities. I will only accept projects that I find interesting and meaningful, rather than exaggerating my self. I can be happy with my peers who are not jealous (even if I feel FOMO, it will pass quickly), and I find joy in ordinary things like having dinner with friends, reading to my son or walking with my husband. It all took years, a lot of meditation, and learning how to “not do it.” It’s not easy, but it’s deeply comforting.
This is not to say that you never try to achieve any goals or improve yourself. After all, you need income and motivation to fire first. But once you have accumulated enough accumulation, stop trying to chase the next high and switch gears. Looking inward for true happiness. Internal verification has an endpoint, but external verification is never ending. There will always be someone who is smarter, richer and more successful than you. This is a ladder extending to infinity. You will never reach the top because upon arrival, there will be a new top.
All that said, if you’re on the road to fire, don’t expect the moment you reach that magic number. Won’t. You have a lot of work to do. But once you have the time and space to do it, you may realize that true happiness comes from ordinary, not extraordinary, and lasts longer.
You will experience an identity crisis. You will feel lonely. You will feel that others are rising the company ladder and you are not. This is part of the whole process. Successful addiction is difficult. Some people can’t do this and rush back to their old identities by finding a job. If it’s intentional and makes you happy, do it. But if the same pattern of anxiety, stress and self-inflation continues, you have nothing to fix. It’s just another distraction. It is not easy to stand out from the matrix, because life within the matrix seems to be more comfortable. But it’s worth it.
What do you think? Are you addicted to success? If so, how do you break it?
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