If you are a FIRE parent, one of your biggest concerns may be raising a spoiled, entitled child who takes hard work and money for granted. If this happens, it can feel like a major failure—not just for your child’s future, but for society, which must deal with the consequences of their actions.
To combat this, there are many ways you can instill a strong work ethic and appreciation for money. For example, assign daily chores to teach responsibility and the value of contributing to the family. Encourage them to complete hands-on tasks such as home maintenance or landscaping to develop resilience and practical skills.
Additionally, having your children work in minimum wage service jobs during high school and beyond can be game-changing. It teaches them the challenges of dealing with difficult customers and the effort it takes to make a small amount of money.
Parents can behave the way they want their children to behave
Since children often imitate their parents’ behavior, your behavior will strongly influence their views on everything from working hard to spending money to how to treat others with respect.
As a father, I try to lead by example and develop frugal habits, such as wearing simple clothes until they are worn out and always finishing the food on my plate. I also make a point of discussing the cost of items with my children, for example, explaining the cost of gym class. This helps them understand that not taking it seriously is ultimately a waste of money.
But I recognize the contradiction in my lifestyle – I drive a moderately expensive car (even though it’s 10 years old) and live in an expensive house. These inconsistencies make me worry about how to raise children’s rights. So I’m always trying to find a balance between living a good life as an adult and not overindulging in the interests of my children’s growth.
That’s when I stumbled upon a solution! If you’re also worried about your child developing a sense of entitlement, consider helping them feel poorer than they actually are. By doing so, they may become richer—not just financially, but also compassionately and empathetically.
An unexpected welcome: Summer camp feels bad
One of the great things about interacting with other families is seeing how differently people spend their money. Without someone else’s perspective, it’s hard to know how we’re doing.
I know parents who drive $120,000 Tesla Model Xs but live in relatively cheap apartments, completely ignoring my house-to-car proportions guidelines. On the other hand, I have also met parents who are worth tens of millions and still live in a shabby apartment and drive a taxi.
Ultimately, how we spend our money is a personal choice. Don’t let me or anyone else tell you what to do. I only provide guidance for those who want to achieve financial independence faster.
Expensive Pokémon cards are everywhere
It was an eye-opener for me during my son’s outdoor nature camp. To my surprise, several kids brought large binders full of Pokémon cards. The campground is completely outdoors – why are they carrying Pokémon cards instead of exploring nature?
But what really blew me away was the value of these cards. Some of the children, ages 7 to 9 Carrying binders worth hundreds or even thousands of dollars! How is this possible at such a young age unless their parents spend a lot of money on them?
My son didn’t bring any cards to camp, he had about eight cards given to him as party favors, feel excluded. The same goes for other kids who don’t have cards. This was probably the first time my son felt poorer compared to his peers.
Great! Minority groups often experience feelings of exclusion, which often prompts them to look for ways to adapt. Likewise, feeling financially behind can create motivation to catch up by working harder.
When I moved to Virginia for high school, I often felt like an outsider—the new Asian kid from Kuala Lumpur, Malaysia. It was an awkward experience, but it really made me step out of my comfort zone and make friends. Living in a shabby townhouse and walking to school didn’t help my popularity either. But that experience fueled my desire to succeed.
son is surprising don’t want more
When we get home, I want my son to ask me if I can buy him a pack of Pokémon cards after seeing the other kids’ binders. My prepared answer is, “I’d rather use the money to buy food for dinner so we can live one more day. And you?“
But he didn’t ask. Instead, he just observed their binders from a distance and decided to play with the other kids who didn’t have the cards. Phew – maybe all my talk about money and frugality is starting to pay off.
Pokémon Go game—a great way to help kids feel poorer
Although my son doesn’t like collecting cards, he became interested in the Pokémon Go mobile game after hearing about it from a friend. My wife and I started playing the game casually when it first came out in July 2016 and then forgot about it for years until recently when other kids and parents showed interest.
The game contains elements of effort and strategy – fight against gyms to earn coins. These coins allow you to purchase items such as raid passes, larger storage space, and lures to obtain rarer Pokémon. However, earning coins takes time and perseverance, as you can only earn up to 50 coins per day by conquering gyms. Since many items are worth 100-5,000 gold each, grinding can be slow.
Alternatively, players can Skip the effort Buy coins with real money—A key part of Niantic’s business model. Like many other free-to-play games, Pokémon Go thrives on in-game purchases, enticing players to redeem their money in exchange for convenience and faster progress.
This dynamic provides a great teaching moment about value and effort: work for the reward, not pay the price for the shortcut. The reality is that players combine the two, and progressing in life is a combination of both.
The dilemma is figuring out the right ratio between effort and shortcuts to make your game and your life feel good. Everyone’s situation is different.
Buying 550 coins for $4.99 won’t break the bank. This will save me an hour during the week of conquering the gym. But part of the reason I said no was that adopting a broken mindset gave me the motivation to make money.
Don’t like to spend money to achieve success
I have a hard time spending money or using my connections to gain an advantage. When you accomplish something alone, it takes away from your sense of accomplishment. As a result, I often suffer unnecessary pain out of pride. Here are some examples:
- I refuse to pay $200 for someone to teach my son how to ride a bicycle. Instead, I hit the blacktop with him 14 times, holding and guiding him from behind until he got the hang of it. My lower back was killing me after every workout. My son also studied longer than other kids whose parents paid for classes.
- I didn’t ask alumni friends to write letters of recommendation to help our family get into several kindergartens. We ended up being rejected by six people. The only kindergarten we got into was pure luck – we kept running into a teacher from that school who was on parental leave in the park and got to know him. Thanks Andrew!
- It wasn’t until 2009, after receiving my MBA and 10 years of financial experience, that I started Financial Samurai. At the same time, there were also 26-year-olds who didn’t have much wealth publishing books on how to get rich. Many of them are now very wealthy, and I am much less.
Put yourself in my shoes – if you were a personal finance writer, the idea of spending real money on fake money to get ahead in the game probably wouldn’t work either!
Too much pride becomes an obstacle
This stubbornness to do things alone has shaped the way I approach life. But I began to realize that I might be passing on this inflexible attitude to my children, too. While resourcefulness and perseverance have their merits, a more balanced approach may be better for all of us in the long run.
After all, battling the gym and earning free coins takes time – and time is money. Wouldn’t it make more sense to spend $5 to save an hour of your time, especially when you’re unhappy? Of course it will. Other parents allocate resources efficiently and treat the game as another form of entertainment.
Never catch up with other kids
When we get together every two or three months for group raids, I ask my son to lend me my phone and go to various gyms to do battle. He didn’t have a phone and didn’t get one until high school. So he was very insistent on my progress.
Inevitably, other kids show him their collections of captured rare Pokémon, stimulating his desire and fear of missing out. But since we don’t play that often and don’t spend money on gold, catching up is impossible.
Feeling poorer compared to other kids is a good reminder that you can’t always get what you want. Instead, you must Acknowledge that there will always be someone who has more. If you want more, you have to work for it!
After depleting my passive income at the end of 2023 to buy a house I don’t need, I feel significantly poorer. However, this feeling of scarcity prompted me to wake up early to write, work part-time in consulting, Invest six figures in venture capital. Fifteen months later, I’m back to normal and feeling great.
understand Relative wealth matters
Exposure to affluent kids and families can inspire them to work harder to pursue what they want. In turn, those who have more may also feel more empathy for those who have less. What a win-win!
Seeing other kids have more is also a great lesson in adulthood. We know there are plenty of wealthy parents who pave the way for their children—paying to get them into elite colleges, giving them cars and houses after graduation, using connections to get decent jobs, and so on. Of course, there are also some very smart, hard-working adults whose achievements far exceed those of their peers. This is the way the world works and we all have to learn to accept it.
If children learn to understand the concept of relative wealth early on, they may grow up to be less jealous and more accepting of the inherent inequalities in life.
Finally broke down and spent some money
After a month of thinking about it, as I end this article, I finally decided to spend $19.99 on 2,500 Pokemon coins. Did you know? I feel good because I just wrote about making active income for needs. It feels so good to make money.
This purchase saved me time and provided entertainment for me and my kids. In fact, it feels great to do unnecessary things to yourself once in a while. Maybe I’ll spend $19.99 on games every winter break. That’s it. Moderate.
The thing is, don’t tell my kids I took the easy way out! This secret only belongs between you and me.
Readers, do you think feeling poor as a child helps make them appreciate what they have more and inspires them to become richer later in life? Or does it risk fostering jealousy and resentment toward others? Also, does anyone else feel guilty about spending money to play online games? Why is this so, especially when it’s just another form of entertainment?
The topic of doting on my kids has been on my mind for a while, but after we bought our new house, it came back up again. If you’re a parent considering upgrading to a nicer home, be prepared—you may also start to worry about creating a distorted reality for your children.
Related articles on parenting and money:
Massive intergenerational wealth transfers are why everything will get better
How to get your parents to pay for everything even when you’re an adult
Confessions of a spoiled rich kid
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