3 signs you need to take control of your parents’ finances

These events, coupled with my mother’s observations of increasing forgetfulness and obsessive behavior, prompted us to have him medically examined. The diagnosis was straightforward: early stage dementia. His doctor revoked his license and instructed me to take immediate control of his finances. That moment opened the eyes of my family and me to the harsh reality. While we all expect our parents to grow older and need help, being suddenly thrust into caring for someone’s declining health can be shocking and leave us unprepared for future caregiving responsibilities.

Warning Signs You May Need to Intervene

Many of the signs may appear very innocent and subtle at first, but if you notice them occurring frequently and consistently, they may be signs of a diagnosis. These can include:

• repeat conversation: Continuously revolving around the same obsessive thought patterns.

• Unable to recognize familiar faces: There were times when my father failed to recognize long-time family friends he used to talk to regularly. Sometimes he doesn’t even understand who I am and it’s so frustrating.

• social withdrawal: As a health problem progresses, a person’s social circle slowly but then dramatically shrinks. As my father’s illness progressed, both my parents fell away from their considerable social networks. COVID-19 has accelerated this process.

A job you’ve never applied for

These behaviors are often more frustrating for family members than for the person with the health problem.

If you’re reading this and thinking about your own aging parents—or if you’re already deeply involved in this, like me—you’re not alone. According to a 2022 report from Statistics Canada, approximately one in four Canadians aged 15 and older (7.8 million people) provide care for a family member or friend with a long-term health condition, disability or aging-related issues. These 2018 figures may underestimate the true prevalence of care, especially in the wake of the COVID-19 pandemic, which has increased demand for elderly care services.

Managing your parents’ finances can feel like a full-time job. I am now six years into this journey and it has been a roller coaster of phone calls, emails and appointments with banks and service providers. It’s hard enough to stay on top of your own finances and those of your immediate family members. You must now understand all of your parents’ financial quirks, from their sources of income and recurring expenses to what investments, if any, they own. Sometimes, finding documents, bank accounts, invoices, legal documents, insurance policies, and online accounts can feel like an endless scavenger hunt.

level of care

In most cases, you won’t do this in a bubble. You have to deal with family dynamics, which often lead to difficult and emotional conversations with parents and other family members. You may need to consider difficult decisions, and resistance may arise when pride and independence are tested. In my experience, this was the most draining part of the experience, both emotionally and physically.

Financial care can be divided into different levels depending on the parents’ abilities. It can simply provide advice and guidance to your parents in the form of reviewing and explaining financial accounts and documents. It may come in the form of suggesting ways to better organize your financial affairs.

If your parent has a more serious health condition, you may need to be actively involved, such as paying bills, filing tax returns on their behalf, or accompanying them to meetings with their bank or financial advisor. In the most extreme cases – which is what I had to go through with my father – legal intervention using a power of attorney to make financial and health-related decisions on their behalf may be required, which requires a high level of commitment and attention to detail.

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More courses coming soon

In our upcoming MoneySense series, I’ll share practical lessons learned from my journey: essential documents you need to find, conversations to have before things become urgent, financial red flags to watch for, and systems that can help maintain a parent’s independence while protecting their financial security.

While we can’t stop our parents from aging, we can certainly better prepare them for the economic realities that come with it, hopefully allow them to retain some dignity in their lives, and set positive examples for our young people to pass this on to.

Learn more about retirement (and retirement) planning: