Spending money is a pastime in the United States. With the national savings hovering around 5%, it’s clear that we share the same love spending. Honestly, it is a beautiful thing to be able to enjoy our wealth. This is a personal finance enthusiast like me and a reader of the financial samurai who might do more.
But, like most things, moderation is key. Overspending can tempt us forever. When we pay our salary, it can increase our anxiety about job security or unexpected health issues. And if you have children, too much spending may even put them in a long-term adverse state, creating a cycle of financial stress.
In this post, I want to share a personal experience that helped me understand the emotional difficulties of stopping spending, even if we knew we should.
The feeling of being judged
After putting our kids in the parkour class, my wife and I went for a walk to Haight-Ashbury to buy some ice cream. It’s a nostalgic place, and I visited a few blocks in 1993 on Free Cone Day in 1993. Jerry Garcia from the gratitude death is still alive and he is performing that day.
As we walked past the stylish smell and dressed in colorful people who had just finished the bay of the Breakers race. When we finally arrived at the store, I asked the waiter if there was no unique flavor in the grocery store. She pointed at the sorbet, but we wanted the ice cream.
Then there’s the sticker impact: $8.75 for one spoon and $13 for two. Waffles? Another $3.75. My frugal brain screamed, “This is crazy! You can get a full pint for $5!” But I felt embarrassed and couldn’t back down in front of my wife. So I succumbed: a spoonful of waffle cake, totaling $14.
We love it – caramel cubes – but I feel like a fool. On the walk home, I turned to my wife and said, “I will never buy Ben & Jerry’s waffle ice cream again.”
Shameful no expenditure
I don’t stick to my thrifty instinct because I don’t want to look cheap. Even though I have been together for many years, I still don’t want to let my wife down.
It’s not just ice cream. I’ve told her for months that I’d like to rent a house in Hawaii for our upcoming five-week summer trip. I think when the stock market is investing in early April 2025, why not spend money instead of losing all the money in the stock market? At one point, we fell by about $1 million, which is a huge amount for dual unemployed parents. She agreed. YOLO and crack, right?
But I found that the cheapest rent we both like was taxes, utilities and expenses after $24,000 a month. Yes! It’s a lot when we can stay at my parents’ home for free. Of course, this is not ideal for privacy and puts a lot of pressure on my mother, but it is very good for family building. Today, investing $24,000 in our children’s custody accounts can double in 11 years to $50,000. This can help them pay for college or help them buy a home.
My wife is disappointed, I don’t blame her. Living with in-laws is not easy. She knew that the host was particularly hard for my mom, and my mom needed her space – it was hard to maintain six people under a roof, especially when two of them were particularly loud and clumsy. My wife is also a planner for all of our travel logistics, so my hesitation started to frustrate her.
But even in my vacation spending guide, I couldn’t grab my trigger. I feel sad to disappoint my wife. If you are curious, it’s a picture of $24,000 per month rent. Cute, right? But not $24,000 a month.
After several big wins, trying to spend it again
A month later, the stock market rebounded. Millionaire milestone Made USA Today The best-selling list, which is a feat, only about 0.04% of the authors achieved it. We also sold our former homes to make a huge profit. Of course, should these three wins be celebrated in some kind of celebration? So I brought the house for a month. Yolo, baby!
My wife is cautiously optimistic. However, as I do more searches, I still can’t prove that spending $24,000 on that house was spent because I really wanted a pool if we were to spend money. Unfortunately, the house we consider using the pool and viewings is priced from $50,000 to $85,000 per month. A ridiculous amount of money. no thanks.
My wife probably doesn’t care about a swimming pool. She just wanted to have a clean place in the two bathrooms we could have on ourselves, a kitchen and a laundry place. We can then plan meals and family hours with our parents at their convenience.
I even asked my dad about his advice because there are also a lot of holiday rental scams there. During the stock market crash, he said, “Be with us.” After he recovered, I showed him a new option and he still said, “Be with us.” So I listened, like any good son.
As a result, we will save $24,000 on rent and now have $800 on food, activities, etc. It’s so amazing! We can eat Pokémon here! But I can tell my wife is not that excited. Ah, despite the victory, it felt like she was disappointed again.
Ice cream as emotional compensation
So when Ben & Jerry’s waiter asked, “How many spoons?” I went back to all of this. I feel ashamed I can’t follow a holiday rental. I’m the provider, my goodness. I don’t want to let my wife down again. So I at least said about the overpriced cone.
But afterwards, I still feel stupid. I know I can get a more delicious matcha ice cream in waffle cones for $6.90 or half the price in waffle cones in the mall.
Spending $14 on ice cream is my emotional bandaid because it doesn’t cost $24,000 on vacation rentals. But this did not completely repair the wound. I still feel like I need to do more.
As a middle class person who grew up with frugal parents, I simply can’t prove that spending so much money on no fair temporary living arrangements. I spent a lot of time in my life focusing on building wealth, not spending money. Additionally, at least 70% of the happiness in Hawaii comes from being there, enjoying the weather and outdoor activities. I don’t plan to stay in it for most of the day.
Fear of being judged is why we surpass
This experience helped me realize something important: We often spend money not because we want or need it, but because we don’t want to be judged, especially loved ones. Even though I have been together for 26 years, I still don’t want to disappoint my wife.
Unlike some personal finance or firefighters, I wouldn’t be called or considered cheap as a badge of honor. Instead, I would offend it because I spent my money entirely on my own values. And not all of us value the same thing, so who can judge?
This need to be generous, carefree or successful may prompt us to spend more money. Our insecurity makes us waste money, something we don’t value. We don’t always spend it for joy, we spend it protecting our image.
I don’t care about other people’s thoughts, only my wife and children’s thoughts. As men, we often work tirelessly to serve our families, but there are still times when we feel that this is not enough.
Related: Feeling like a burden is a horrible thing
Solutions for overspending
Next time you feel spending, pausing and revisiting your core values and financial goals. If you don’t know what they are, figure them out-and soon. Ask yourself: Is this fee consistent with who I am and the future I want? If the answer is no, don’t spend it. Loving yourself is enough to follow your own values.
If you are in a relationship, be sure to do it. Financially important on the same page for successful long-term partnerships. The last thing your partner wants is to make you dirty or regret after spending it. At the same time, you don’t want to let your partner down and feel bound, especially if you have funds. Resentment only builds.
In our case, the compromise I came up with was spending the weekend at my aunt’s beachfront villa, giving everyone some breathing space in the beachfront villa on the other side of the island, assuming she was happy with it. The only problem is that my aunt hasn’t said yes yet! She is traveling.
Another solution is to spend one or two nights at a beachfront resort in Waikiki or Kahara. I would like to book a Saturday night so we can make the most of the facilities on Saturday and Sunday. Maybe we should do it on Friday night, too, but is it really worth it for the kids to go out from summer school at 3:30 pm on Friday? Maybe I’m getting too frugal again, but at least I’m providing a solution. That is progress!
Reader, do you think we are mainly because we are not safe? Why do you think that while we should save and invest more, you think it’s hard to stop spending? Is it stupid to let others judge how we spend money?
Track your sends and net worth more carefully
If you seriously consider bringing your finances together and optimizing for the future, both powerful tools stand out:
Boldin It is an all-in-one financial planning platform that specializes in retirement. It allows you to model every aspect of your net worth – including real estate, which is my favorite asset class to build long-term wealth. Whether you are planning to retire early or just want to have a clearer understanding of your financial future, Boldin can help you make smarter, data-driven decisions.
Authorization Another wonderful free tool to use in person since 2012. It is ideal for tracking your net worth and managing cash flow. I especially like analyzing my public stock and bond investments on a handy dashboard. With its intuitive interface and insights from deep portfolios, Empower helps keep your investment strategy aligned with your goals.
Both tools give you a powerful advantage: Boldin, for large images, retirement-centric modeling, and authorize real-time investment analytics.
CIT Bank’s Platinum Savings Earn Up to $300 – End May 27
Ready to slow down your spending and increase your savings? CIT Bank provides the most limited-time bonuses $300 When you open a new Platinum Savings Account with a Promo Code PS2025. Submit at least $25,000 in new funds over 30 days to earn a $225 bonus, or $50,000 or more to earn the full $300 bonus. You will also gain competitive 4.10%APY The balance is $5,000 or above, 10 times the national average.
There is no monthly fee, your account is FDIC insured and is all easy to manage online. The deadline for qualification is May 27 at 9 pm. Learn more here, remember to use the promotional code PS2025 When you open an account.
To speed up your financial freedom journey, join more than 60,000 people and subscribe Free Financial Samurai Newsletter. Financial Samurai is one of the largest independent personal finance websites established in 2009. Everything is written based on first-hand experience and expertise.
