Every Thursday in 2025, I will be answering questions about money and/or budgeting. If you have a question you’d like me to answer in an upcoming post, please submit it here.
Today’s question is one I hear often:
“How do I get my spouse to work with a budget?” -k
When my husband and I first got married, we quickly realized that we had different approaches and perspectives when it came to money. Even though we were both raised by financially conservative parents and had countless premarital discussions about finances, we still married with inconsistent priorities.
Jesse is naturally a creator. I’m naturally a saver. He likes to buy name brands and quality goods. I like to buy what’s on sale/the cheapest option that gets the job done (if there’s a way to do it ourselves or use something we already have, even better!).
He likes to really take his time and research things thoroughly from every angle before making a decision. I’m a faster decision-maker (my mantra is sometimes: “Even if you make the wrong decision, it’s better to still be thinking about your options!”).
How to get your spouse on board on a budget
If you’re struggling to get your spouse to work with a budget or find it challenging to align your priorities and values, let me start by saying: You’re not alone. Most couples enter marriage with different ideas about what to do with money – and that’s not necessarily a bad thing!
Here’s how we work through our differences and find unity in our financial journey:
1. accept that you are different
You’re not married to your clone – that’s a good thing! You need someone who complements you, and part of that includes having a different perspective on money. Instead of trying to change your spouse or make them like you, they are their differences.
Early in our marriage, I made the mistake of trying to “fix” what I felt was my husband’s more “luxurious tendencies” (at least feeling luxurious by my frugal standards!). But over time, I learned that there was nothing wrong with my husband’s financial attitude. It’s just different.
Trying to force him to adopt my mindset would only create tension. Instead, I came to appreciate what he brought to the table, which allowed us to work as a team rather than against each other.
I see now that there is often value in buying higher quality, even if it costs more, because it may work better or last longer, and it ultimately saves us trouble, headaches in the long run And money!
2. Learn to appreciate differences
Initially, our relationship was frustrating with the constant push and pull of our tendencies/thrifty tendencies. Over time, this has allowed us to deepen our appreciation for each other as we learn to appreciate our differences and see the value in what the other brings to the table.
My husband has learned to appreciate the benefits of being frugal and even enjoys looking for deals now (sometimes more than I do!). On the other hand, he helped me relax and base financial decisions on the value of return on investment rather than just cost.
Yes, we still sometimes lose sight of things, but we have learned (usually!) to stop and listen to what others are saying, hear where they are coming from, and take the time to find common ground and ways to compromise (please See next step).
Rather than focusing on the ways your spouse’s financial habits are frustrating you, try to understand how their perspective balances yours. Together, you can create a stronger, more balanced financial strategy than you could make on your own.
3. communication and compromise
One of the biggest keys to getting on the same page financially is learning how to communicate effectively and being willing to compromise. This starts with having simple, non-selective conversations where you’re just curious to learn about your spouse.
Some ideas of questions to help you have the conversation about finances:
- How did your parents handle money growing up?
- What parts do you enjoy about handling money?
- What stresses and frustrations do you have about handling money?
- Do you have any concerns or concerns about our finances now or in the future?
- Do you have a dream that you hope will become a financial reality in the future?
You can also ask your spouse to take questions on our Women and Money Survey and share your answers and hear their voices. This could be really insightful!
If you and your spouse struggle to have productive conversations about money, I recommend asking your spouse if they would open up monthly money meetings. These are no-agenda meetings where the goal is to review your finances, discuss goals and talk about where you are financially. It’s important that these meetings are a two-way street. Neither spouse should dominate the discussion or try to impose their ideas on the other. Instead, make it a team effort with open and respectful communication.
The ultimate long-term goal of these meetings is to develop a budget that you both feel on board and use these meetings to review the budget. But start with non-judgmental conversations around money where you just open up and share and listen to your spouse. This can be an important step in getting on the same page financially and building trust in each other.
Here’s a pro tip: When raising your concerns, base your feelings on your feelings rather than placing blame. For example, instead of “You spend too much money,” try, “I’ve been stressed about our financial situation and want to talk about ways we can improve together.” This approach invites collaboration rather than defensiveness.
4. Set sharing goals
When the budget is not just your Plan but share the vision with anyone you share your budget with. If you are married, that means your spouse.
Sit down with your spouse and talk about what you want for your family’s future. Whether it’s becoming debt-free, saving for your dream vacation, or building an emergency fund, having a shared goal creates purpose and motivation.
Once you agree on your goal, break it down into actionable steps and track your progress together. Celebrate milestones to keep the momentum going.
NOTE: If you need help setting a budget or setting financial goals together, download my free Budget Tracker Worksheet and Financial Goal Planning Worksheet – they can help you through the process together.
5. Give grace and breathing room
In most marriages, there is a woman and a saver. Of course, that was true in our case, but after a lot of work and effort, rather than letting our differences cause constant conflict, we found ways to help us respect the way we are each wired.
For example, we’ve agreed on a “hit” category in our budget – a certain amount of money we can spend every month, but we want to have no guilt or scrutiny. This simple compromise freed us from countless arguments and made the budget better for both of our personalities.
Remember, no one is perfect, and sometimes you or your spouse will make financial mistakes. Choose to focus on progress rather than perfection and always extend grace.
Getting on the same page with your spouse will take time and effort. This will require a willingness to compromise. Most importantly, this will only happen if you are willing to listen, appreciate your differences, and trust your spouse.
Creating a budget together isn’t just about managing money; it’s about creating unity in your marriage. By accepting each other’s differences, communicating openly, compromising, and working toward common goals, you can turn your budget into a tool that strengthens your relationship rather than a source of conflict. Remember: it’s not about perfection; it’s about making progress together.
You will both be better off in the long run because your marriage and financial future will be stronger because of the effort you put in!
What advice do you have for K asking today’s question? Tell us in the comments!
Want to do this for the year you finally stick to your budget?
Tracking your budget doesn’t have to be overwhelming or complicated! use these Free Budget Spreadsheet Easily plan and track your spending every month!
